"i may forgive, but i never forget." i've lived like that, no matter how much people disagree or how much i hate it. that's just how i've lived (almost) 19 years of my life. so i'm not going to change that particular view of mine. but for those of you who disagree, i at least want a chance to explain myself.
to me, forgetting something means to completely erase the fact that it ever existed. if i were to forget a depressing time in my life, that would mean that it never happened. but that's silly; because it did. it happened, i learned. i can't possibly forget the past, because the past makes the present, and there would not be a present without it. i am what i am because of my past experiences; if i were to forget it, it would mean that i did not obtain any knowledge from it. but i did, so i cannot forget.
forgiving is different. i've heard the "forgive and forget" speech, but it doesn't appeal to me. i can forgive someone for something they've done, but that does not mean i've forgotten their deed. i may refer back to it countless times, maybe even with a bitter tone in my voice. i don't do it because i can. (that'd be stupid, bringing my own self some pain.) i do it because i'm still remembering it, because i never forgot it. if it comes out, it's sometimes without me knowing. i don't want to; but it just happens. so even if i sound like the deed was not forgiven, it was; it's just how much impact it has on me now. if it's pretty damn significant, then it will come up in my conversations. i'm sorry in advance, but that's just how i am.
sure, some things people have done still hurt me. whenever i remember, i still get bitter or sad. but i have to also remember that it is the past, it's already been done. so forgiveness, i give. but i can never forget. i never will. i don't plan to in the future. but i won't let it plan my future, either. it is a helpful lesson learned. i'm just using it as a tool in the present, to help prepare for the future. because somethings in my future, i am not going to give up on. i look forward to what's in store for me. so the past, i keep.
and happy halloween. (partay-hartay goin' on up here...)
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